It's so frustrating!!!
I am trying to make a wedding cake for goodness sake! Trying to put love in it!! What a week to be expecting a period, I'm so down and grumpy!!
Sunday - the baking was a breeze!
Monday - the trimming, cutting, layering with jam and buttercream and covering was a breeze! Thankfully as the hormones hit that day!
Tuesday - covering with marzipan was a breeze!..............then yesterday, yesterday.......
Wednesday - the day to cover with sugarpaste, when my fears of the warm weather affecting the pliability hit, it was not a breeze, it was very tricky indeed! The upside was I didn't panic, I kept calm and carried on BUT it was not easy and the results are NOT perfect. I do not like imperfect, I want perfection!!! I mean it wasn't a disaster, no huge problems or major tears or anything like that, just not perfect!
So I have had to have a word with myself........
That anniversary cake I made earlier was rubbish in my eyes right up until the moment it was finished and I stepped back from it (and the sugarpaste wasn't tricky!). I am feeling this cake is rubbish now, it is still to be put together and decorated with ribbon, but now I'm all grumpy and dissatisfied and annoyed and want to growl lots! I am too close to it I knows but it's still getting to me. Incidentally my period started today.
I know on the day people are not going to be inspecting it for imperfections but will be seeing the overall effect, I know I am putting any imperfections under a microscope and exaggerating them but I cannot help myself. I just want to shout out how hard it it to work with sugarpaste when it's a bit on the soft side! I am a right old perfectionist moody puss!!
I'm a bit fed up with it now and feel bad that I want it over with, that seems unfair and I confess I am worried people will look at it and say "it's alright for an amateur", yuck!! No doubt I'll feel differently in a bit! I know I am not trained at this, I am not a professional and I also know my friend didn't want me to make her cake for any other reason than wanting me to make it for her. Tonight Hubby Biscuit will be helping me put the dowels in to make it tiered. I am hoping my bad mood will lift a little when that part is done!
Maybe the problem is the process, it lasts so long meaning any pressure I am placing on myself is being felt over that length of time. I know I won't feel totally fine again until the cake leaves here on Saturday morning, maybe not until everyone gets to taste how yummy the sponge is in the evening. Maybe on Sunday when it's all done and dusted!
I am wondering how much of these feelings are due to hormones, any or all?
What do you think?
X
Oh doll, I know exactly how you feel. Everytime I am decorating a cake especially for someone else I experience the same thing. It is SOOOO stressful. People say to me 'you should go into business' Huh! Not on your Nelly! The only reason I do it is because any imperfections can be put down to the fact I am not a professional and the cake isn't paid for. Hormones and cakes do not go well together unless the only thing you are doing with them is eating them.
ReplyDeleteTake 5, chill out a bit and go back to it with a fresh mind and it will be much better.
Also this weather is a nightmare for icing, nothing does as it is told and getting something to hold its shape is near impossible. BIG HUGS XXX
Hello you
ReplyDeleteI think all creative souls journey through these feelings, and yes, it's probably a thousand times worse when hormones are zipping about all over the show.
Rest assured, you are not on your own - I have the same tantrums, frets, frustrations and foot stamping sessions when I paint anything, Im often moved to slinging it out of the window and can spot an imperfection at 100 miles! Honestly, just come away from it for a bit, get the kettle on and do something else. When you look at it with fresh eyes, it will no doubt look much better than you thought and if anything does need putting right you'll be able to spot it right off.
Us artists are so hard on ourselves.... ;)
Much love
Julia x x x
Just think how fab it will look all done and the pleasure you are giving by making it....x
ReplyDeleteIf you are anything like me - hormones and being a perfectionist really do not mix!!
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with Emma - it will look amazing when completed and the fact that you have made it to give is equally so!!
Kerry xxxx
Hormones have a lot to answer for, don't they? Hopefully tomorrow things will look better. We can be our own most severe critics at times, can't we?
ReplyDeleteI am sure you hit the nail on the head when you said that your friend held it important that YOU made her cake. Hope to read and see all about it once it is over. If it is like your others, it will be a beauty!
Wretched hormones huh? I agree, it's all been a bit intense so far so a short time away from it will, I'm sure, do wonders. You'll get there Ali.
ReplyDeleteHx
I do know exactly what you mean!!!
ReplyDeleteI think going away and coming back to it will be good - I'm sure the end result will be beautiful and most important for your friend, you will have put your love into it!
Remember Churchill - when it gets tough, KBO ( keep bxxxering on!!!)
It'll be worth it! xx
Oh I hate Hormones, they make you feel soo rubbish.
ReplyDeleteI hope yours move on soon and you start to feel better.I'm sure the cake is amazing, please share pictures, anyone who can work with sugar paste is a genius in my eyes.
Take care
Luv Sophie xxx
I'm sure it is all wonderful...I think the hormones make us look at it with an over-critical eye, but more than that, they stop us from seeing the solutions.
ReplyDeleteI find it very hard to make clothes for anyone else because of self-criticism...but I know most people just look and say "Isn't she great, the way she can do that". I have never worked with sugar paste though...kids birthday cakes are stressful enough for me!
I'm sure everyone will enjoy the cake....very much!
I bet your cake is lovely, i always hate all my clothes when I am PMT-ish so I bet it's the same thing!
ReplyDeleteLouise x
hah! hormones! and as you get older...it only gets BETTER (and hotter!!!)
ReplyDeleteIt'll be fine- promise!
xx
Dont you just love being female! Thank you for the very kind words you left on my blog xx
ReplyDelete