It's so frustrating!!!
I am trying to make a wedding cake for goodness sake! Trying to put love in it!! What a week to be expecting a period, I'm so down and grumpy!!
Sunday - the baking was a breeze!
Monday - the trimming, cutting, layering with jam and buttercream and covering was a breeze! Thankfully as the hormones hit that day!
Tuesday - covering with marzipan was a breeze!..............then yesterday, yesterday.......
Wednesday - the day to cover with sugarpaste, when my fears of the warm weather affecting the pliability hit, it was not a breeze, it was very tricky indeed! The upside was I didn't panic, I kept calm and carried on BUT it was not easy and the results are NOT perfect. I do not like imperfect, I want perfection!!! I mean it wasn't a disaster, no huge problems or major tears or anything like that, just not perfect!
So I have had to have a word with myself........
That anniversary cake I made earlier was rubbish in my eyes right up until the moment it was finished and I stepped back from it (and the sugarpaste wasn't tricky!). I am feeling this cake is rubbish now, it is still to be put together and decorated with ribbon, but now I'm all grumpy and dissatisfied and annoyed and want to growl lots! I am too close to it I knows but it's still getting to me. Incidentally my period started today.
I know on the day people are not going to be inspecting it for imperfections but will be seeing the overall effect, I know I am putting any imperfections under a microscope and exaggerating them but I cannot help myself. I just want to shout out how hard it it to work with sugarpaste when it's a bit on the soft side! I am a right old perfectionist moody puss!!
I'm a bit fed up with it now and feel bad that I want it over with, that seems unfair and I confess I am worried people will look at it and say "it's alright for an amateur", yuck!! No doubt I'll feel differently in a bit! I know I am not trained at this, I am not a professional and I also know my friend didn't want me to make her cake for any other reason than wanting me to make it for her. Tonight Hubby Biscuit will be helping me put the dowels in to make it tiered. I am hoping my bad mood will lift a little when that part is done!
Maybe the problem is the process, it lasts so long meaning any pressure I am placing on myself is being felt over that length of time. I know I won't feel totally fine again until the cake leaves here on Saturday morning, maybe not until everyone gets to taste how yummy the sponge is in the evening. Maybe on Sunday when it's all done and dusted!
I am wondering how much of these feelings are due to hormones, any or all?
What do you think?