So I have a wee bit of surgery tomorrow and I'm in a right tizz about it. It is a wee bit, a rummage around in my gums for a stray bit of tooth (bone?) that was getting in the way but in the year and a half since I was referred to a surgeon, it has moved out of the way but still tomorrow it's all go and I'm full to the gunnels with nervous energy. I'm getting a couple of teeth taken out at the same time so I'll get my teeth as straight as can be orthodontically, it was this or have my jaw broken on each side and re-aligned. You can see why I went for the tooth removal.
It is quite ridiculous how nervous I am!
I could have had a general anaesthetic but after the last time, jeez it made me so weepy and sad when I woke up and I found that so very mortifying getting pushed through the hospital and into the ward in full view with blood all over me (every time I opened my mouth it sprayed every where) and sobbing. This time I opted for a local with sedation (thank goodness they'll be working on my mouth, I'm a loon at the best of times. Who know what I may say sedated?) but the other day I realized that means I'll be awake getting stitches, my ultimate fear. It properly FREAKS me out, just the thought of a needle and thread going through skin ......my imagination does not need this kind of stimuli. I cannae do any kind of impaling or puncturing or needles. I really should have went for the general. Tis too late now! I know I probably won't care what they do to me if I am sedated but I'm not sedated right now and right now I care, I care A LOT!!
Way back when, three and a bit years ago, when I first saw an Orthodontist and they mentioned surgery before I could get braces, I struggled hard with the point of it as really why would anyone in their right mind have surgery for cosmetic reasons? Non-essential surgery? Why have the inconvenience and pain? I went ahead with it mainly because I was getting the opportunity of free braces and well it lulled me into doing it, but I am thinking these thoughts again. I don't want pain but I've came this far so must see it through to the end. It was for this reason there was NO WAY I was getting my jaws broken, N.O. W.A.Y!!
I am a major woose I admit. A proper big girl's blouse. A bright yellow custardy coward! Laying there having strangers poking at me makes me feel vulnerable and uncomfortable and helpless and a wee bitty trapped.......deep breathes!!
I wish I could stop my mind going over and over it again and again. Time will pass as it undoubtedly does and it will be over soon enough but in the meantime......
Wish me luck that I won't feel a thing and will wonder what all the fuss was about!